He is Not Dead Within My Heart
by GS1
Summary: Set shortly after Goku's death in the Cell saga, just before Goten's birth. Chi-Chi unpacks a box of memories...Beautiful poem I found that suits the story at the end!


## I cannot say, and I will not say

_That he is dead. He is just away!_

_ _

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HE IS NOT DEAD WITHIN MY HEART

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Chi-Chiblewthecollecteddustawayfromthetopofaragged,old boxshehadstoredlongago...Afadedlabelwasplasteredonthefront side... Inblackpermanentmarkerwaswritten'Memories'._Memories... shewistfullybreathedasweetsigh... __Somany--memories... Itwastimeto packupmorewondrousobjectsthatwerenowtoopainfultoevenlookat... Itwastimetoaddthemtothebelovedplaceofsecurity..._

Shesteppedgingerlyoutofthestorageroom... Takingonelastlook atitsbelongings, sheflippedoffthelightswitch. _Iwillbebackheresoon, she thought, __I'll needtounpacksomeofmyGohan'soldclothesandbabyfurniture… whichreminds me—IneedtogetbacktothatlittleoutfitI wasmaking… somanythingstodo--and allwithoutmydear, dearGokuaround…_

She quicklywipedhereyesfreeofthenewtearsthathadsprungforth… _Thosetears…alwayswantingto makeahomeinmyeyes! she thought. __MyGoku… My dear, dearGoku… Shewalkedwithaheavystep, and carriedtheoldboxtotheroomsheandGokuhadshared. She droppedtheratherlargeboxonthebedandfloppedlazilydown besideit._

Thewindowwasopen, lettingafaint, freshbreezefilltheroom… _Gokualwaysloved it that way… Shefixatedhergazeonthesakurablossompetalsthathadflutteredtheirwayintotherealm… Severalsmall, sweetpileshadgatheredbelowandinfrontofthewindow… Itwastheafternoon, andthelightwaswarmasitshonethroughtheopenwindowthroughafilteredcanopyofhickoryandsakuratrees. Chi-Chisqueezedhereyesshutasanothermemorythreatenedtoengulfher._

_Hey! Look! Petals!_

_Oh, no! Oh, Goku… they make such a mess!_

_Aw… they do no-oot…watch this!_

_What—are—you---Goku?_

_See? Look—seehowprettytheylookinyourniceblackhair?_

_ _

Chi-Chiopenedhereyesabruptlytofindthatshehadastrongholdonthebunofherhair… Slowly, shepulledoutthetiesthatboundhershinyblackmasstoherhead…

_ _

_Letitfall…_

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Inatranced, perhaps, deliriousstate, shewalkedoverandstoodbythewindow…She watchedwithchildlikewonderastheplainwhitecurtains billowedoutwiththebreeze…Sheswoopedover, withdifficultyduetohercondition, andscoopedupahandful ofsakurablossoms…_ Howpretty…Whydidn'tInoticebefore?… She closed her eyes and sprinkled the pink petals on the top of her head… Some fell down to the rest of her hair…_

_Goku!__Don't besilly! Yougoof… You'llgetmyhairmessy…_

_Youareafairyamazon, Chi-Chi! _

_Afairyamazon? Where'dyougetthat? Haha!_

_Youareafairyamazon!!_

_ _

"Iamafairyamazon…" she whispered.

_ _

Shestoodupandgazedoutthewindowatthelandscapearound. SheandGokuhadalwayslovedthewilderness… andthisplacewasperfect…Herpalehandcametorestonthe swellofherbelly. Already, herpregnancywasbeginningtoshow…already…_ _

_ _

_Gohan--herpreciousbaby --wasoutwithPiccolo… __Howodd, she thought, __that I hated Piccolo so much at first… and now I thank Heaven he's here to help my little Gohan… to help him along the way with the 'manly' stuff which I cannot teach him… Poor Gohan… having to become a man so early… Againthesaltyliquidbegantogather…_

# Let it fall…

_ _

The streams flowing freely now from her eyesran slowly down her pale cheeks and dripped onto the collar of her Chinese style dress…

# Letitfall, Chi-Chi…

_ _

She glanced down at her slightly protruding stomach… In some ways, she believed that her pregnancy was Goku's final gift to her… He hadbeen so affectionate and care-free in his last days… He spent the precious time in comfort and happiness with his family… It only occurred to her later that he may have been aware that his time to die was near… His actions, the legacy he left; he must have sensed it… She sighed… _My Goku was wonderful indeed… She then returned to her soft spot on thebed…_

"Memories," she read aloud. She withdrew a single pocketknife from a drawer to the side of the bed and used its blade to slice the tape that held the box top together. "Ugh!" Thetape sliced rather easily apart and exposed the slides to be opened. Shaky with anticipation,shefolded the edges back to view the contents. "Ohhhhh…" She gasped at the sight. On top of the pile was a single framed piece ofwood… It was rather thin, that plague; and improper treatment hadgivenit theeffect of oldage…

"GokULuVs CHi-Chi," itread in scribbled carving…

Chi-Chi remembered that day in the woods… Gokuhadcarvedthephraseintoawideoaktreeshortlyaftertheyhadfinishedagameofsparring… Shehadloveditso…Itwassuchasurprise; especiallyfromamansuchasGoku… Hewasasimpleman… Butthen, Chi-Chiwasrathersimpleherself; assimple aswomencangetI suppose…For days shehadtalkedofhowmuchshelovedit… (Shethought it wouldstayinthewildernessasatokenoflove… Romantic…) Then,muchto herdismay,onabrightsunnyday, hecamehome with—the verytree thatthe messagewascarvedin!

_Hiya, Chi-Chi! LookwhatIgotyou!!Thatthingyousaidyouloved!!_

And his grinwas so bright, and hisdemeanor so cheerful, that she had not the heart to be the least bit angry… Shewasforcedtohideherdismay… ThoughwhetherGokusawthroughthefakesmilesshe wouldneverknow… Theysavedmoneyandhadthecarvingcutoutandframed… Littledid sheknowhow muchshe'dloveitatthemoment… foritheldmemoriesofGoku's kind, but strangethoughtfulness…

Next, a photo album… Wedding pictures…How happy she was on that day! All giggles andblushes while snuggling in the arms of her dreamboat! A picture ofsheandGokuwithhis"Dragon Ball Friends" … _What a sight we must have been! A bunch of weirdos! she mused. Oh! Baby Gohan… her first-born child…How funny Goku had acted at first!_

_That—came from your TUMMY???!_

_ _

Then, there was the matter of a name… and Goku dutifully complied to the challenge.

_A name? he had wondered aloud. He had at once turned serious, but soon brightened once again and chirped: _

_Gohan!_

_Like your grandfather, Goku?_

_…..yes….. like my Grampa…._

After thumbing throughall the wondrous and timeless contents, she stared at the box marked 'Memories.' She had planned to add more belongingsto the pile, but—but now she couldn't bring herself to! How could she put it back in storage? She couldn't! Goku wouldn't want it that way!

Asuddenideastruckher… Sheflurriedaroundgatheringsentimentalitems…Photos, gifts, even Goku's favorite blanket! She placed pictures on tabletops and hung them upon the walls. Everything went on display… Asmuchasithurttoremember—she had realized that it pained much worse to shut the memoryofGoku out…

Chi-Chidecidedthatshewouldforevertellthestoriesofherherotoherchildren… andtheywouldtellofhimtotheirchildren…And she would wait patiently tosee him again… Aboveall,shewouldhonorandadmirehis unselfish decisionto save the earth… 

She lit candles and dimmed the lights, for it was now late evening. Everything was ready… the nice little redecoration and dinner. She looked out the window that Goku had always loved to climbthrough only to see Gohan making his way toward the house… Piccolo was gliding gracefully in theother direction… After a little pondering, Chi-Chimade a decision. "Gohan!" she called. "Invite Mr. Piccolo to dinner!" His eyes litup with happiness, the same way Goku's used to when he was delighted. "Really?! Wow! Mom thanks!" He scampered off to inform Piccolo.

# You are not really dead…

# I Love You, Goku… 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

# "Away"

_ _

_I cannot say, and I will not say_

_That he is dead. He is just away!_

_ _

_With a cheery smile and a wave of a hand,_

_He has wandered into an unknown land._

_ _

_And left us dreaming how very fair_

_It needs must be, sine he lingers there._

_ _

_And you~oh you, who the wildest yearn_

_For the old time step and the glad return~_

_ _

_Think of him faring on, as dear_

_In the love of There as the love of Here;_

_ _

_And loyal still, as he gave the blows_

_Of his warrior strength to his country's foes~_

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_Mild and gentle, as he was brave,_

_When the sweetest love of his life he gave_

_ _

_To simple things; where the violets grew_

_Pure as the eyes they were likened to,_

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_The touches of his hands have strayed_

_As reverently as his lips have prayed;_

_ _

_When the little brown thrush that harshly chirred_

_Was dear to him as the mocking-bird;_

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_And he pitied as much as a man in pain_

_A writhing honey bee wet with rain._

_ _

_Think of him still as the same, I say:_

_He is not dead~he is just~ away!_

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_-__James Whitcomb Riley_

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Author- The poem is just beautiful in my opinion! I stumbled upon it while reading a poetry book, and I thought it applied to Goku very much. What to you think? 

**_I own nothing, but my opinion, don't sue me._**

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